


Let The Bells Ring On A Fool's Holiday

by softsocks (orphan_account)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Based of An ATL song, Christmas, Christmas Eve, Christmas Tree, Dan is oblivious, Enjoy the angst, Gen, Heartache, M/M, Merry Christmas, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Phil Is Hurting, apology kisses, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-09
Updated: 2015-12-09
Packaged: 2018-05-05 19:01:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5386883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/softsocks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Christmas Eve, and Phil hasn't seen Dan since he stormed out a week ago. </p><p>Will things be all happy and cheery when Dan comes back? Or have things changed between them forever?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let The Bells Ring On A Fool's Holiday

**Author's Note:**

> Based on 'Fool's Holiday' by All Time Low. (Title from the same song)
> 
> I wrote this last year, but unfortunately didn't have enough time to post it. Although I have edited it slightly, it is still mainly the same thing it was a year ago. Please keep that in mind.

Trying to keep his mind off of Dan had never been an easy task for Phil.

Although, it was  _usually_ because he was in love with Dan, and so thoughts of him came naturally and frequently - whether Phil really wanted them to or not. If he was honest, he didn't really mind  _those_ thoughts too mich. After two years, it had become quite normal.

What did bother him, though, was that it wasn't because he was in love with Dan, not this time. This time, it was because it was Christmas Eve, and Phil hadn't seen Dan since he slammed the door nearly a week ago.

He had looked everywhere he thought Dan would have gone. He had rung everyone he could think of, but no one had seen or heard from him. They had all promised to call if they did, but Phil hadn't received any contact yet.

Ringing Dan's phone had proved pointless. Each call had gone straight to voice-mail, and after three days of unreturned calls, Phil had given up.

* * *

"Maybe he just won't come back at all." Phil mumbled to himself, his soft voice breaking the eerie silence of the otherwise empty apartment.

"Lonely Christmas, lonely life."

Phil got up from the couch where he'd been wallowing in his endless self-pity, and made his way to the kitchen for a cup of tea, and possibly a biscuit or two.

He found shortbread fingers in the pantry, and put them on a plate. He then made his tea, ignoring the half-empty box of Maltesers in the fridge, pretending that they simply weren't there as he reached for the milk carton.

Phil made his way back to the lounge, intending to spend the rest of the night staring at the Christmas tree that had started everything, and possibly crying if his eyes couldn't handle the emotional strain.

That didn't happen.

Because when he reached the threshold of the lounge-room, he heard the front door close. The door Phil had only shut and locked an hour before.

He continued his entrance into the room, and had just put down his plate, about to lower the cup when he heard his name, spoken softly in a voice that he had begun to never expect to hear again.

"Phil."

* * *

Phil vaguely registered the smash of the mug as it fell from his grasp.

Dan was the only thing he could focus on, assuming it  _was_ Dan, and Phil hadn't reached a state of delusions. He saw the flinch in Dan's shoulders when the mug fell. He noticed the small flakes of snow in his hair, which was damp and curled. He could see the small shivers travelling down Dan's spine, likely from the cold, and the sadness and guilt in his eyes.

He saw all the parts of Dan that he had begun to forget.

His beautiful pale lips and coffee-brown eyes, the slouch of his figure and the leanness of his legs in his black-skinny jeans.

All he saw was  _Dan,_ and all he felt was  _pain._

"What are you doing here?" Phil asked, the words coming out cold and harsh. Hurt.

"It's Christmas Eve." Dan said slowly, as if that answered everything.

"I know. It's been Christmas Eve all day now."

"I came back, Phil." Dan continued, sounding plaintive.

"I still don't know why you left!"

Dan was silent, shocked and a little taken aback at Phil's outburst.

"I-I had to."

"Did you? Really,  _did you?_ "

Phil shook his head. He just felt so tired, so over it all. This was not how the Christmas holidays were supposed to pan out.

"We fought. We both said stupid things, and I regret most of them. But  _you_ walked out, and I've heard  _nothing_ from you. You didn't even leave a goodbye note or a farewell voicemail. I didn't know where you went, where you were ... I didn't even know if I'd ever see you again."

"Phil ... I ... I'm sorry."

Phil wiped his eyes, surprised to find his cheeks wet.

"Sorry doesn't fix it, Dan. Sorry  _can't_ fix it. It's just not enough."

"Can I explain? Will you let me?"

Phil took a moment to think about it. He couldn't ignore what Dan had done, how it had affected him ... but that didn't mean that he didn't deserve the chance to offer his side of the story.

"I'll let you. The only problem is whether I believe you or not." Phil waved his hand. "Go ahead."

* * *

_"Phil, I'm going out now, I'll see you later."_

_"Wait, what?"_

_Dan paused at the door, turning around to face Phil._

_"I said, I'm going out."_

_"But we were supposed to put up the tree. You said tonight, you promised me we'd do it tonight. I've waited seventeen days, Dan - and every time I've asked, since the 1_ _st_ _of December, you've post-poned it for this reason or that. 'I'm too tired', 'I'm too busy', 'I have a date'. You_ promised  _me, that we'd do it today." Phil protested, in disbelief that Dan was actually doing this._

_"I know, I know. But Charlie just called, and I don't want to blow her off -"_

_"But you can blow me off, right? Again?" Phil cut in, shaking his head slightly._

_"Phil, it's not that big of a deal, really." Dan replied._

_"Not to you, maybe. But it is to me, you know how much I love Christmas."_

_Phil sighed heavily._

_"I thought you would have realised that. But apparently not."_

_"Phil..."_

_"It's fine Dan, really. Go on your date, have fun. We'll put the tree up tomorrow or something." Phil said, hints of sarcasm lacing his tone._

_"Or maybe I'll just do it myself." He added, almost under his breath. "At least that way I know we'll have a tree."_

_Phil realised a little too late, that he should have just kept quiet and left it alone. Unfortunately, the words had already been spoken and the damage done, by the time he realised his mistake._

_"What's that supposed to mean?" Dan asked, sounding on the verge of anger._

_"Nothing."_

_Phil didn't fancy fighting with Dan, better to just keep his issues to himself._

_"No. Something's up, just tell me. Don't hold back now, Phil."_

_There was venom laced heavily in Dan's voice, flashing in his eyes. He had never spoken to Phil like that before, and each word was like a sharp dagger to Phil's heart. Perhaps that's why he said what he did. Maybe his mind short-circuited, faltering for a second as the blood poured from his heart, spilling along with his regrettable words._

_"It doesn't matter Dan! It never has, for you. There's always someone or something more important."_

_"It's a fucking tree, Phil! You're being ridiculous."_

_"Tonight, this time, it's just about a tree. But what about every other time you've blown me, or our plans, off?"_

_"What the hell are you talking about?" Dan demanded._

_"Shall I recite them? In what order - there's date, amount of hurt it caused, importance ... you pick." Phil spat._

_Dan didn't say anything, his expression incredulous. Phil took it upon himself to continue._

_"Sure, it's the tree this time, Dan, sure. But what about the other times? Games night, for example. That time I didn't post a video for two weeks because I needed your help. The anniversary of the_ day we met!"

_"I did not miss the anniversary!"_

_"Yes, you did. Because_ Charlie  _wanted to do something - and of course, she's more important."_

_Phil wasn't yelling. He wanted to, oh how he wanted to scream and yell, and to just collapse onto the floor and cry until the tears stopped falling. But he didn't. Because he also wanted to appear strong, even though he was crumbling on the inside. He didn't want to show Dan the effect their argument, and Dan's words, were having on him._

_Besides, he always kept things to himself, bottling his feelings up tight. Why should his current situation change anything?_

_"What do you have against my girlfriend?"_

Stab.

 _"Her? Oh, absolutely nothing. Except for the fact that she's taking_ my best friend  _away from me?"_

_"She isn't!"_

_"Yes she is. You're just too blind and dumb to realise."_

_He shouldn't have said that. He knew it. But what was said, was said, and unfortunately he couldn't take it back. The damage had already been done._

_"Oh, I'm_ dumb  _now, am I?"_

_"You're haven't been making many smart choices, recently."_

_Dan exploded with anger, his face burning bright red, his eyes flashing pure fury._

_"You can't just stand there and insult me and my girlfriend. I_ thought  _you were supposed to be my friend."_

Stab. Stab.

 _"And I thought that you were supposed to be_ mine.  _But that doesn't seem to matter to you anymore, and apparently neither do I."_

_Phil was hurt - that much was evident in his expression, in the silent tears that fell, in the tone of his voice._

_Not that Dan was paying enough attention to notice._

_"_ Friends  _aren't supposed to be so_ clingy.  _We're having this fight because you're upset that I want to spend time with my_ girlfriend  _instead of putting up a fucking Christmas tree. Because I have the_ audacity  _in your eyes, to want to hang out with someone other than_ you _."_

Stab. Stab. Stab.

_"We have other friends Phil, it's not like you have to always spend time with me." Dan added, harshly._

_"I know that. But it feels like I never get to hang out with you anymore." Phil said, sounding almost defeated._

_"We bloody live together!"_

_"Really? Because I never really see you anymore. I feel like I'm back to living by myself."_

_"I'm here all the time."_

_"Oh, I'm sorry I don't stay awake until_ five in the morning  _just so that I can spend any time with you."_

_Phil didn't care how how he sounded, he was past caring about much at that point._

_"Fine. I'll wake up earlier. You can come with me most of the time I go out, Phil."_

_"That's not going to help - it's not even the point."_

_Dan sighed. "Then what is the point?"_

_Phil was done. His emotions had been bubbling up, and mixed with the dagger wounds to his heart, Phil couldn't handle it. It was_ his  _turn to explode, and he went off like an atomic bomb._

_"The point is that I'm in love with you, damnit!"_

_Dan was silent, and Phil was crying._

_Everything was broken._

_"I'm going to ... I have to ... I'm leaving," Dan whispered, his voice cracking as it broke the silence._

_He turned and walked out the door, slamming it on his way out. The sound reverberated though Phil._

_A minute later, he had crumbled and collapsed, falling apart on the floor, bleeding from his broken heart, the pain filling his bones until he couldn't feel anything else._

* * *

"I had to leave, because I needed time to think."

Phil didn't say a word. He crossed his arms in front of his chest, indicating to Dan just how serious the situation really was. To put it simply, Phil was  _not_ happy.

And Dan had fucked up bad.

"What you said ... the main parts, at least - I realised that you're right. Admittedly, my realisation came a little too late -"

"A little?" Phil scoffed.

"Okay. Way too late. My point is, that you were right, and I'm a blind idiot."

"Well, you've got that right."

"I'm really sorry Phil."

"Why didn't you tell me where you were? I was worried sick, physically sick. No one could tell me where you'd gone."

"Are you okay now?" Dan asked, and Phil didn't know how to react to his sudden concern. Dan stepped forward, reaching a hand out, almsot as though he was going to touch Phil.

He didn't get the chance.

"No." Phil mumbled. He stepped backward, narrowly missing a large piece of broken mug.

Dan dropped his hand, nodding slowly.

"No. No, no, no." Phil kept mumbling. His hands had begun to shake.

"Phil?"

"I can't, I can't ... I can't do this, Dan."

"Do what?"

"You left and you didn't tell me - and now you expect me to just forgive and forget, like nothing happened ... I just can't do this."

"I don't expect you to forgive and forget. To be completely honest, I had expected to have to get down on my knees and to beg and grovel until you had no option other than to forgive me - or at the very least put me on strict probation."

"Really?" Phil asked.

"Oh, absolutely. Like I said, Phil, I'm really sorry. I made a  _huge_ mistake, and I'm probably going to regret it for the rest of my life. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if you kicked me out. I was a horrible person to you, and I hate myself for it."

Dan shrugged, adding absently. "You probably hate me."

"I don't hate you," Phil whispered, and there was a tightening in his chest. "I could never hate you."

"Why not? I'd hate me if I was you." Dan replied, then paused.

"Although, technically, I  _do_ already hate me..."

"I can't hate you." Phil said slowly. "Because, as I told you before you slammed the door, I love you.

Dan didn't say anything in response. Phil sighed, and rubbed his hand over his forehead.

"And we're back to where we started." He said, his words carrying a heaviness to them.

"I don't know if I love you, exactly, at least not quite in the way that I'm assuming you do..." Dan said, drawing the words out.

"But I do know that I care about you, and I can't stand being without you. Before our fight, I was out a lot. But I always knew that you'd be here, you know?"

Dan sighed, and he sounded incredibly frustrated.

"I'm not doing a very good job with this speech, am I?"

"Not really, no." Phil laughed, and it sounded almost choked, it was only a short trickle of a laugh, but it was enough for Dan.

"What I'm trying to say, is ... okay, maybe I'm not  _in love_ with you, as such - but I do love you, and I do care about you a lot. I can't deny the possibility of  _something_ happening, any more than I can deny that I find you attractive."

"You find me attractive?" Phil asked.

"Are you kidding? Of course I do."

"But ... I thought ... what about Charlie? She - she's a  _girl_  ... and she looks nothing like me - I thought that you were  _straight._ "

Dan laughed, and it showed just how relieved he was that Phil hadn't screamed and kicked him out.

"The most interesting part of what you just said, is that not only have I had a crush on you since, like, forever, but I also broke up with Charlie about a week ago, and I'm standing here feeling a desperate urge to kiss you."

"So do it."

"What?" Dan asked, because he couldn't quite believe that he'd heard right.

Phil stepped forward, dodging the smashed pieces of porcelain on the floor. He stood in front of Dan, less than an arm's distance away.

"If you want to kiss me," He whispered, his voice low and hushed. "Then just do it. Kiss me."

Dan nodded, as if he was still comprehending Phil's words.

He slowly, cautiously, reached out, brushing the his knuckles against Phil's cheekbones, the back of his hand across Phil's cheek, . It was warm, growing hotter as Phil blushed. Dan leant in closer, brushing his lips softly against Phil's. Phil gasped at the contact, the gentleness of Dan's lips as they ghosted along his own. His fingers twitched, and he gripped the fabric of his jeans because he wasn't sure what to do with his hands. Dan pressed his lips harder against Phil's, in a manner of a more proper kiss. Phil kissed back slowly, careful not to kiss or press too hard, or to even brush his hands against any part of Dan, for fear of scaring him away.

He couldn't handle Dan leaving him again.

"That was so much better than I expected it to be." Dan said, in an almost hushed voice, pulling away slightly so that he could look at Phil and not the side of his nose.

"Who knew kissing you would feel so good?" Phil quipped. Dan opened his mouth, all ready with at least two sentences worth of protests, but Phil stopped him with another kiss, this one softer and sweeter than the first.

"Even better the second time." He mumured.

Phil's fringe had fallen in front of his eyes. Dan brushed it aside, pausing as he searched Phil's face, as though it held the future of the universe. His hands carefully cupped Phil's cheeks, and Phil let him, releasing a shaky breath at the touch, the close contact.

"I was such a fool for walking away." Dan whispered, the confession coming out hushed and almost ashamedly.

"I was upset, and angry, and it's only now that I know it's because I was afraid. Because you were right, and even though deep down I knew it, I didn't want to admit it."

"Dan..."

"No, Phil, please - just, let me finish. I need to tell you this."

Dan took a deep breath, drawing on hidden strength. He slid one of his hands down, so that it was cupping the back of Phil's head. He tangled his fingers in the ends of Phil's hair, anchoring himself in the touch, the feel.

"I started dating Charlie because I was lonely, and I because I thought that she was what I needed. But I was wrong. She wasn't the solution, she was just a cheap plaster, to cover the hole in my heart until the right person came along. I was too blind to see that  _you_ were who I was looking for, right in front of me all along. You were the perfection I had been seaching for."

"I'm-"

"Perfect? I know, I kind of just said that, didn't I?"

Phil laughed at Dan's interruption. He reached up and took hold of the hand that was cupping his cheek, crossing his fingers with Dan's.

"Look, I know I haven't been the best of friends to you, recently. It's Christmas Eve, and I honestly expect coal in my stocking." Dan declared.

"You should have written Santa a letter." Phil joked, the mood far too serious and tense, making him slightly uncomfortable, even though he understood how important Dan's words were.

"I don't think a letter can help me now, Phil. It's a little too late, especially afer what I've done - especially to you. My name is repeated multiple times on the  _Naughty List._ "

Dan squeezed Phil's hand, and offered a small smile, which Phil in turn matched.

"I don't want a pity parade, though, and I most certainly don't want you to feel sorry for me. I did a horrible thing, and many bad things before then, and I'll spend the rest of my life working for your forgiveness if I need to. I pushed you aside, and blew you off far too many times. But I promise you, right here, right now, that I will never do it again. And this is a Christmas promise."

"So if you break it, you get struck down by a giant candy cane?" Phil asked, laughing at Dan as if he thought the idea ridiculous.

Dan laughed too. "I certainly hope not."

"I'm being honest though." He added, deadly serious.

"I feel like a right idiot. I know that I've always been a little self-centered, and that's not always a bad thing - after all, it is my life and sometimes I need to put myself first. And don't get me wrong, nobody's perfect, and I know that, I've never tried to be anything more than I am."

Phil rubbed his thumb across Dan's hand in a comforting gesture.

"But what I did to you  _was_ selfish, and I shouldn't have done it. If it was possible, I would pool all the time that I have left, to go  _back_ in time to stop myself from almost ruining the most perfect thing in my life, and hurting the best person I know."

Phil kissed Dan, hard and fast and without care. The kiss turned a little salty when Phil's tears slipped into the mix, but neither seemed to mind. Phil wasn't afraid of breaking Dan anymore - Dan was officially one of the strongest people he knew.

It couldn't have been easy to admit what he just had. To accept his mistakes and attempt to fix them. Besides, Phil had to shut Dan up. It was  _his_ turn to talk.

"Dan." He said firmly.

Dan raised an eyebrow, in that infuriating yet adorable way that made Phil either want to groan or kiss him.

Not that he did either. He just  _wanted_ to.

"I'm not saying you're not a fool, because you kind of are. And what you did, what you said - I'm not going to lie, Dan, it hurt. And I haven't forgiven you completely yet, that's going to take some time. But I love you, and I can tell that you really do regret what happened - not to mention, it's Christmas Eve, and all I want to do is cuddle and watch childish holiday movies and forget that this ever happened, at least for tonight and probably tomorrow."

Dan blinked once, twice.

"You want to do that ... with me?"

Phil sighed. "I don't want to waste any more time. We can deal with this and work it all out, and have one of those emotional heart-to-hearts where we both end up hugging and crying  _later._ I just want to have fun, and appreciate the fact that you came back, and you're mine - even if it's just for tonight."

"Oh, Phil." Dan whispered, bringing his lips to Phil's and kissing him with all the passion and confusing emotion he could muster, hoping Phil understood  _just_ how sorry he truly was.

"I'm yours for more than just tonight. When it's cold, when it's hot, on every Christmas or holiday until either the day I die, or the day you get sick of me. I was downright stupid for ignoring you, and I'm never going to do it again."

Phil smiled softly, and kissed Dan until they were both breathless.

"I'm yours too, Dan. And I always will be."

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas for those who celebrate the holiday, and Happy Holidays for those who don't. May your December be festive and cheerful (or normal). 
> 
> ALSO: For those of you who, for some reason, have not read 'Fool's Holiday' by the lovely alecsmanwhore, I highly reccomend reading it. It is a hundred times more funny and cute and fluffy than this is.


End file.
